


your name on my lips, tongue-tied

by mayaetienne



Category: The Politician (TV 2019)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Swearing, absolutely never heard of her, alive and breathing, and i needed to do this, bisexual payton hobart, consistent updates with school?, don't read if you dont like swearing, i love writing bi characters because I NEED REPRESENTATION, infact he's very much alive, look i'm a sucker for fake relationship tropes ok, river didnt die bc i said so, very alive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2020-11-25 19:51:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20917646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayaetienne/pseuds/mayaetienne
Summary: Payton just broke up with Alice, and that got him the much needed points to the student presidency. But so did Astrid. Both sitting in the fence, both needed something, orsomeoneto distinguish them. And that's how Payton Hobart ended up dating River Barkley, Astrid's ex. Well at leastfake dating.(But River doesn't know that yet. And Payton doesn't plan to tell him anytime soon.)-also known as: the one where payton dates river for political gain.





	1. four days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some fun notes you need to know:  
\- astrid is running for student president, not river  
\- river and astrid broke it off (for real) when alice and payton (fake) broke up  
\- astrid and payton both got sympathy points from voters, evening out the margin between them  
.  
title is from i forgot you existed from taylor swift's album lover (all my fics have some sort of taylor swift reference it's my brand)

They were talking, but Payton was tuning out, until McAfee says something that catches Payton attention. 

"We need to find you a partner."

"What?" Payton whipped his head around and whispers. "I _ just _ broke up with Alice." 

"Exactly. You _ need _to show the voters, you can move on from her, and getting a partner will show that to them." She replies. 

"She's not wrong," says James. "If you can theoretically 'move on' from Alice, it shows that you can move forward through anything." 

Payton was silent for a while, considering the proposal. 

"Payton? You ok?" asks James. 

"Yea." he folds his hands together. "Who are we looking at?" 

"Don't freak," McAfee looks around for anyone listening, "River Barkley." 

_River Barkley._ Free rent living in his mind. Always there. 

Payton starts, but James interrupts. 

"Before you start, it works out _ great _ for you. He just broke up with Astrid, everyone _ loves _ him and it'll get you much needed points." 

There's a pause. "Ok. What do I do next?" Payton replies. 

McAfee and James starts discussing the plan, but the only thing Payton can think is how he got himself into this. He's screwed. 

_ What did I get myself into? I'm going to be fake dating River Barkley, my Mandarin tutor, possibly the most popular guy in school and the guy who kissed me. Shit. _

James snaps his fingers in front of his face. "Payton? Payton, buddy, I'm going to need you listen." 

"Yea, yea. I'm listening." 

He slides over a piece of paper, with a diagram. It shows a timeline of when Payton needs to ask out River, for it to be most effective. 

"Ok you need to ask him out at least two weeks before voting. That way you're fresh on voters minds. That gives you four days to get yourself over Alice." 

_ Alice! He forgot about her. _

"Have any of you asked her? I mean, we _fake broke up_ but I still want her to be ok with it." He lowers his voice, not wanting anyone to listen in. 

"Yea, she's totally onboard. _Quote_, 'Whatever gets Payton to the presidency, I'm ok with.'" James replies. He gathers his stuff and leaves the library. 

McAfee and Payton do the same. 

Before she leaves, she reminds him. _ "Four days Payton." _

Four days to compose himself. He could do it. Whatever it takes to win right? 

_ Right. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm a sucker for fake relationship fics, they remind me how lonely i am though  
also what is payton x river ship name? barkleyhobart? rayton? horkaley? barkbart? i'll stop now  
-  
kudos, comments and subscribe kids  
-
> 
> want to scream about nothing with me? [blqckhill](https://twitter.com/blqckhill) on twitter


	2. The Saint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this writer is not american, so i don't know anything on US politics, high school etc.  
also payton is played by ben platt -> ben platt was in dear evan hansen and i dont think listening to the soundtrack while writing this particularly helped with the characterisation of payton. sorry

Payton had planned to ask River to ice cream after his tutoring session. McAfee wanted it to be at the local bowling alley, which was popular with Saint Sebastian High students, James wanted it to the party that one of River’s friends was hosting, and was holding up to be one of the biggest parties of the years, guaranteeing hundreds of people would be there. But Payton wanted their first date to be lowkey. If he wasn’t dating River for the right intentions, he at least owed him a date where the whole school was watching. 

“Ok,” River closes the book. “We’re done here.”

Payton felt his phone buzz in his pocket. 

> **James:** Do it. Now. 

“I heard there’s a new ice cream place, _ A La Mode. _Wanna go?” 

* * *

“You know, I never asked.” River takes a spoonful of ice cream, “Why _ did _ you want to learn Mandarin?” 

“Well, given the tensions between the US and China trade war, learning Mandarin seemed to be helpful when communicating with our Chinese partners.” Payton replied flatly. 

River tilted his head, as to study him. “Everything you do, everything you _choose_ _is calculated_. Have you ever, I don’t know, tried anything for curiosity's sake?” 

“I-” He pauses. _ Has there been anything that I did for fun? Ooh. I painted. No. That was for an art exhibition. Literary magazine? That was for Harvard. Model UN? Also Harvard. Costa Rica? Harvard. _

After a while, Payton replies. “No. I haven’t.”

River stands up and heads for the door. “Ok. Let’s go.” 

Payton follows. “Where?” 

“Anywhere. You,” he points at Payton with his spoon, “need to have fun.” He licks the rest of the ice cream of the spoon and throws it in the bin and misses. 

“Hah. The co-captain of the lacrosse team misses a shot. How _ shall _ the world move on?” He says dramatically, making River laugh. 

"Shut up."

He didn’t hear the clicks of the camera from across the store. 

* * *

They ended up at the movies, and chose to watch _ Avengers: Endgame _ (even though neither of them had watched _ any _ of the previous 21 films. They even buy movie popcorn, ignoring the fact it is _ highly _ overpriced. (But they're rich, so it's fine.)

They look around, and see most of the cinema is crying. 

"I feel like we're meant to be crying" River whispers. 

Payton snorts. "Obviously. People have strong emotional connection with.." he looks at the screen. "Natasha Romanoff. I would be too if she died for the archer guy. _He's not even that hot._" 

River squints at the screen, causing his nose to scrunch up. Payton finds that kinda cute. _Just a lit bit_. "He's _kinda_ hot." 

"_Really_? You would rather choose archer guy over Thor or Captain America?" Payton replies in disbelief. 

"Yeah no. Not hot then." 

They feel popcorn being thrown at their heads from people behind them. They get told to “Shut up, everyone knows that Clint (archer guy) is the bottom of list of ‘Marvel men people would most likely fuck.’ 

“We should probably shut up.” 

“Yea. We probably should.” 

> **James:** You’re doing great. Words already around that you went on a date with River. 
> 
> **Payton:** How? It’s only been two hours. 
> 
> **James: **Word travels fast in this school. Everyone loves gossip. 

He’s about to put his phone away, when his Instagram notifications start blowing up. 

**The Saint** @TheSaint   
[ picture of payton & river at a la mode ]   
MOVE ASIDE @wonderlanddreamer13 and @sloanastrid, @paytondude7261 and @riverbarkley have been spotted on a DATE at @ALaMode getting ice-cream. It’s reported they were happy and laughing in each other’s company. Is is a SHIP🚢 or DIP 🗑? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i genuinely don't think i've sounded so australian using the line "yeah, no."  
(also deh reference go me! you get a gold star if you guess it right)  
-  
like, comment and subscribe (to the saint) kids  
-  
how many versions of like comment subscribe can i make up, we shall see  
-
> 
> [blqckhill](https://twitter.com/blqckhill) on twitter


	3. the plan™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, i don't know how american classes work, just basing it off my own.

The fact  _ The Saint _ had gotten the photos of River and him was so mind perplexing to Payton. Only a select number of people knew, and even if people saw it was highly unlikely that they would go straight to  _ The Saint _ . In normal circumstances, Payton would be happy that  _ The Saint _ was reporting on this. Nearly everyone in Saint Sebastian with a phone older than 2010 was following  _ The Saint, _ so hundreds of potential voters would come from it was very appealing. But the fact that it was _ River  _ on there with him didn't strike the right chord. He didn't know why, it just felt wrong. 

He presses McAfee and James about how  _ The Saint _ knew they were out, within two hours. McAfee claims she knows nothing, and James doesn’t answer. At all. Until he snaps. 

“Fine! Payton, **_I _**was the one who took the photos, and **_I_** was the one who leaked them to _The Saint_. “

McAfee and Payton turn their heads towards him. 

McAfee is silently studying,  _ judging _ him, while Payton goes off at James. 

“Why?  _ We had a plan James _ . Now River’s gonna think that I'm using him,  _ I am _ , but still.” He pauses. “James. We had a plan.” He says through gritted teeth. 

He doesn’t know why he’s yelling at James. Payton  _ knows, _ it’s a really good thing that people have taken notice. People  _ love _ fanning over the newest high school couple, and are invested,  _ maybe a little too much _ into their relationship. 

" _ You _ were meant to stick to the plan." He pauses. "You know,  _ if I didn't know better _ I'd say you have an ulterior motive." 

He raises his eyebrows at him. "Do you?" 

There's an uncomfortable silence, and it takes a little too long for him to reply. 

"No. _ Frankly, _ I’m offended you would even  _ suggest _ that I would be going behind your back. Like McAfee said, your the pilot, McAfee and I are your navigators. It would be stupid of me to screw this up.” 

Payton eyes him for a while, trying to break him down. "It would be stupid for you to screw this up.” he mimics his tone. “Guess what?  _ You did! _ Why didn't you stick to the plan?" 

His phone buzzes. 

> **River:** Can we talk? Like now. 

He shoves the phone to James. “Great.” he throws up his hands in defeat. “Now River is wondering why our photo is on  _ The Saint _ and why they called it a date when  _ I haven’t even told him! _ ” 

“Hold on.” McAfee scrambles to find the timeline. She looks up, “You didn’t tell him it was a date!” She walks towards him and hands him the paper. “You were meant to do that, otherwise this plan will be more off the tracks than it already is.” She pointly looks at James. 

He starts talking and pacing around the room. “I mean I was going too but-”

“Shit.” 

He turns suddenly. “Why  _ shit _ James? You helped make this shit-” 

“River’s calling.” 

Payton swore he could have died right there. He probably would of passed out, if not for the heavy calorie movie popcorn he consumed earlier. He was not ready, he didn’t have a gameplan, he was probably going to- 

James is frantically waving the phone at Payton to try and snap him out of his waking daze. 

“Payton. You have to pick up.” He holds out the phone. 

He snatches the phone of James’ hand and walks to the hallway. If he was going to do this he didn’t need McAfee and James to be listening in. 

“Hi.” River sounds tired. 

“Hi. I’m assuming you’ve seen the post?” 

There’s a pause before River answers. “Yeah.” There’s another pause before he continues. 

“Payton.” Another pause. He’s decided right there, he hates pauses. Why don’t people just confront more often? It would solve many problems in the world. 

“Did you think it was, you know-” He starts, but Payton interrupts.

“A date? Yeah.”

“Oh.” This was the exact moment Payton knew he screwed up. He should’ve said no, should've thought twice, and now he’s let it all go. Now’s he’s losing to Astrid, and looks incredibly-

“Wanna go on another?” River asks. 

“I-uh-yeah. Yeah.” Payton stammered.

“I’ll pick you up at 7 tomorrow. See you.” Somehow Payton can hear River smiling on the end. 

"See you." He hangs up.

He walks back in to see McAfee and James staring at him. 

“You stammered. You  _ never _ stamer.” McAfee comments. 

“I-You heard?” 

“Payton,  _ sound _ _ echoes_. Especially down a hallway. Have fun on your  _ date _ tomorrow.” 

* * *

Payton tries to ignore the fact he's got  _ another _ date with River tonight. It's distracting him, and President's don't get distracted  _ over a date _ . Also going back when practically the whole school knows you were with River does not help with concentration. He's been the subject of gossip, and the stares from every person in the hallway isn't great. Especially the ones from Astrid Sloan. 

He gets why she would be mad, it's not a good look for her. She breaks up with River, the  _ most _ popular guy in school, then gets with her political opponent, giving his loyalty to him. It's a really bad look. 

Thankfully, he doesn't see River till Mandarin which is last period. 

He walks in and 29 pairs of eyes are staring at him. He doesn't realise why till he sees River at the desk next to him.

The teacher starts, and those 29 pairs of eyes looking at the board. 

He turns to River and whispers, "Why are you there?" 

He glanced at the teacher before answering. "Figured you didn't want to sit next to the ex." 

He tilts his head in amusement. "Really? I'm sure I can handle one hour sitting next to Alice." 

"Yeah," he leans back in his chair, "Would be more fun sitting next to me right? I'd actually be able to tutor you more." 

"Yay," he sarcastically says, "because we all need more Mandarin in our life." He says that a little too loudly, because the teacher picks it up. 

"Payton, want to repeat that?" 

He turns straight in his chair. "No sir."

He shoots Payton a look before continuing. 

They listen for a bit before River responds. 

"With that attitude, you're going to need me here." 

Payton somehow makes it to the end without being called out again. 

The bell rings, and everyone begins to leave. 

"Wait. What am I meant to wear?" he asks River. 

"I honestly don't care what you wear, just show up. See you at seven." He smiles at Payton and walks out the door. 

Payton ignores the fact his heart is beating faster. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell i'm trying to use less dialogue? i realise in my own fics i use a lot of dialogue, and not enough describing. it's a problem anywho,  
-  
kudos, comment and subscribble  
-  
also i have finals in 2 days AND I HAVENT EVEN FINISHED MY NOTES IM FINE  
-
> 
> [blqckhill](https://twitter.com/blqckhill) on twitter


	4. wasn't born yesterday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last one for a week, i have finals tomorrow (maybe i'm freaking out and not prepared)  
-  
kudos, comment (i'm lonely, and need an excuse to stop me from studying) and subscribe (yea i ran out of ideas)

_ It's just a date. Just a date with River Barkley. Just a date Payton.  _

He's been in his closet for 30 minutes now. He knows that River said to wear whatever, but that really doesn’t help him. So he goes over to James' thinking,  _ hoping _ he would somehow ease his anxiousness. 

He doesn’t know why he went to James. In hindsight he should of went to McAfee.  _ He really should of. _

Why? 

Because he didn’t expect his friend having sex with his ex. 

They start protesting, but Payton tells them, “Don’t.” Payton waits outside the door for someone,  _ anyone _ to question. 

James arrives, tying the robe around his waist a little tighter. 

Payton tries to look straight into his eyes, but he never meets them. “How long has this been going on? Since the break-up?” 

“No. Before.” he can only be thankful James is responding promptly. 

“A while.” He responds back. 

“Mmm.” He hears Alice quietly sobbing in the background. 

He manages to walk out without yelling at anyone which surprises Payton. He feels more strongly towards James’ leaking photos to  _ The Saint _ than James sleeping with Alice, which really should be the opposite. He  _ loved  _ Alice and the thought of her loving someone else should make him angry. But it doesn’t. And Payton doesn’t know why. 

He makes it back home by 6:55pm, and spends the last 5 minutes trying to look presentable. 

He's startled when someone knocks on the door. 

"Hi." It's River with flowers. Payton didn't peg him for the 'Buy flowers for a date type.' 

"Hi." he takes the flowers and sets them down. So," he clasps his hands, "where are we going?" 

"We are headed to Santa Barbara Pier." he replies with his famous River Barkley smile. 

They arrive at a tiny, family run burger diner. Payton never tells anyone, but he  _ loves _ burgers. As in, if it was the only food he could eat forever, he would choose burgers. This is just a long-winded way of saying that Payton would  _ die _ for burgers. 

"I used to come here a lot," he holds the door open for Payton, he steps inside and mutters thanks, "but uh, I don't have time anymore. Plus I knew you would die for burgers." he smirks at Payton. 

"Wait." he asks, "how did you know I would 'die for burgers'" he air quotes the last part. 

"I have my sources." 

"Well," he starts glazing over the menu, "It must of been McAfee, because the only other person would of been James, and he slept with Alice so-" 

River interrupts, "Wait, wait. That's what's been bothering you this whole time?" 

I'm not bothered." He raises his eyebrows at him. "I wasn't born yesterday, Payton." 

"Fine. I am. James is sleeping with my ex-girlfriend. Happy?" He puffs out. 

"Wow." he leans back into the booth. 

" _ James the one Alice cheated on? _ Damn." 

"Yeah, yeah I don't need your condolences." Payton replies. 

Before River responds, a waitress, Raina walks towards them. 

"Hi, are you two ready to order yet?" It takes a moment, but Raina recognises River. 

"River? Oh my god, it's been so long? How you been? How's Astrid?" she asks. 

"Oh, Astrid and I aren't together anymore. But, this is Payton. Payton, Raina, Raina, Payton."

Payton nods curtly. 

River turns to face Payton, "We're on a date." he smiles at him. 

"Aww." she smiles at them. "For that, it's on the house." 

River starts protesting, but Raina interrupts. 

"Accept, otherwise I bring out Gianni and you know you can't win that argument." she says forcefully. 

River holds his hands up in defeat.

"Good. Now what will you be having today?" 

They give out their orders, and she promptly leaves. 

"You must know them pretty well." 

"Yeah. If things were sucky at home, I would come here to escape it all. They're basically my second family.  _ Well my loud, italian family _ , but I still love them nonetheless. So. Alice sleeping with James?" 

"Yup." he looks down and fidgets with his fingers. 

He tilts his head down. "Are you okay with that?" 

"I don't know." he moves on the fidgeting with a loose thread from his jumper. "I mean, I  _ love _ Alice and I want what's best for her,  _ even if it means letting her go to James." _

He grabs Payton's hands, "But are you  _ happy _ to let her go?" he says softly. 

He's silent for a while. "I don't know is happy is the right word,  _ per say, _ but I'm contempt." 

"Ok." and he let's go Payton's hand. 

_ And Payton wishes he didn't. _ That was the first time someone had asked if he was okay. If he was happy.  _ And he misses the feeling of it. _

They finish their meal and head out to the beach. Somehow, his fingers interlock with River's in the short 5 minute it takes to walk there. They sit themselves onto the sand, and take in the view. 

The waves crashing into shore, the wind brushing the trees, bird chirping (more like squawking, but still.) It's picturesque. 

Payton allows himself to sneak glances at River and allows himself to admire a little part of him each time. 

_ His eyes. His hair. The way he laughs. His dimples. His smile. His lips, wait no Payton no- _

River breaks the silence. "Hi." 

"Hi." He ignores the fact that River is looking at his lips. 

He bites down on his lips, and pauses. "Can I kiss you?" 

The only word Payton can spit out is yes, before the gap between their lips close. 

They makeout for a solid 2 minutes before Payton stops, saying "I'm going to stop before we end up having sex on this beach." To which River promptly replies, "Wouldn't want to damage your reputation would we?"

They make it back home before midnight. 

Payton was hoping to sneak back in, but his mother stops him. 

"Ahh. Did you have fun on your date?" she asks. 

"I-no, it wasn't a date mom." He stammers out. 

"Payton, River arrives at my door with flowers asking for you. I wasn't born yesterday." she deadpans.

He looks down at his feet. 

"Darling," she walks up to him and cups his cheek. "I want you to know I love you no matter what alright." she smiles at him. "Go to bed. It's late." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok. i need to do a deep cut of this chapter. 
> 
> there were two ways this could of gone: 
> 
> \- option one, where payton realises he **loves river**
> 
> \- option two, where payton realises river **is always there for him. **
> 
> i know you're probably like 'why didn't you choose option 1' but whenever i read fake dating fics, they always somehow realise they love each other like 2 days in? idk, i've never been in love before, **but two days just seems a tad bit fast,**and a little unrealistic considering payton had _never really _considered loving river. 
> 
> and i think _payton is still clinging to the idea of loving alice_, even after the whole james/alice fiasco. i think payton is starting to realise he doesn't love her, because he didn't really _feel_ anger, or guilt towards them. he anything he could feel kinda glad, because it means alice cheating wasn't completely a lie. 
> 
> plus, because river is really the first person (outside his mum)_ who really cares for him_, and i think that really hit payton. mcafee, james and alice only really care about him politically, so it's different for payton when river asks if payton is ok. 
> 
> also i love the idea that raina and gianni are italians who run a burger diner and basically kinda adopted him. in the 1st episode, river tells payton he runs for presidency to get his parents of his back, so i definitely think river would of been overwhelmed, left the house at midnight and went to the diner alone. and raina finding this child all alone, and basically caring for him. 
> 
> i also considered writing where payton gets really mad, and accidentally tells river that alice cheating was meant to be fake and mess up his cover story. but i'll save you the angst, we're only 4 chapters in!
> 
> \- 
> 
> [blqckhill](https://twitter.com/blqckhill) on twitter


	5. happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, i have in fact, survived my finals! this is a short chapter, i didn't have time to write a longer one :(

It was weird. 

River genuinely  _ caring _ about Payton.

James, McAfee and Alice, care about him, but they don’t  _ care _ about him. 

And being  _ cared _ for, felt nice. Payton liked it. All his life, he was searching for something,  _ anything _ that could make him  **feel.** For so long, he couldn’t feel. He could be sympathetic, but not empathetic. (And if he wants to be the President, people want an empathetic, not sympathetic President.) 

He craved it. The ability to  **feel** . Which is probably why he keeps going back to River. River could  **feel** everything. Payton couldn’t.

They were meant to be studying for the Mandarin test, but neither of them were studying. It was more like mindlessly reading the notes, pretending to take it in, then end up freaking out later because you didn’t study. 

_ He didn’t mean for it to happen- It just kinda happened. _ One minute Payton’s looking at the textbook trying to figure out the proper way to write the characters, then the next’s where he’s staring at River. Not in a weird way, in like a  _ I really, really, really care for you _ . 

He then goes from looking at River, to a bright flash in his eyes. 

“Hey! What was that?” 

“Nothing.” River innocently replied. 

Payton raised his eyebrows at him. 

“You have this- this smile,” he explained, “it’s contagious, and you always say you don’t see it.” He smiles and holds out the picture on his phone. “So I took a photo.” He looks at it, and he doesn’t recognise himself. It’s definitely Payton, but he looks happier and more carefree. 

It’s weird. That Payton doesn’t really look  _ happy _ in his photos. He always thought he did, but this proves him wrong.  _ Does River make me happy?  _

Payton must be looking intensely, as River stops his thoughts. 

“You ok? You look confused.” He asks. 

“It just- I look  _ so different. _ ” 

He looks at the photo again. 

“I look  _ happy? _ It’s weird.” 

“Well,” he looks in Payton’s eyes, “  _ I must make you happy _ .” He gives him a smile, and kiss on the cheek before he leaves. 

_ Was it that obvious? _

> **James: ** Voter points are falling. It’s been two days since you’ve been seen with River, and Astrid’s somehow regained points. Point is, you need to do something. 
> 
> **Payton:** How do I actually know those figures are true? You have been sleeping with my ex-girlfriend. 
> 
> **James: ** If you won’t take it from me, take it from McAfee. Btw. Alice wants to talk to you. She said to stop ignoring her calls and texts.    
  
  

> 
> **Payton:** You said you wanted to talk. Now’s the time. 
> 
> **Alice: ** I am so sorry. 
> 
> **Payton:** Is that what you wanted to tell me? 
> 
> **Alice:** I only got with James, because he  **was there** . Ok? Payton he was there, when you weren’t there when you were doing your politician stuff. And it was a mistake. I realised I still love you. 
> 
> **Payton:** Ok. 
> 
> **Alice:** That’s it? No, I love you back? 
> 
> **Payton:** You really should be my perfect girl. But you’re not. And I think it’s better for us to let that go. 
> 
> **Alice:** Are you breaking up with me? 
> 
> **Payton:** Alice. We were never together in the first place. 
> 
> **Alice:** If you’re not careful, this will happen again. 
> 
> **Payton:** I know.

**River ** @riverbarkley: 

[ photo of payton that river took] 

-obvious by taylor trensch on DEH

**The Saint** @TheSaint 

[ repost of river’s post ] 

Aww, look’s like The Saint’s hottest couple are OBVIOUSLY in love! @riverbarkley has just posted a photo of @paytondude7261 looking happy in his company. This is definitely a SHIP🚢 in our books!

**COMMENTS: 219** (sort by TOP comments first)

@romanoffhill: river must really like payton, he never posted any photos when he was with astrid (283 likes) 

@blqckhill: river/astrid, payton/alice move aside this is the only couple I know. will defo be voting for payton 

@infintyjackson: aww they’re are so cute! i’ll be seeing them when I get out of my chemo session! 

@mcafeewestbrook: remember to vote for Payton in the upcoming elections!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when we get towards the ending, i feel like this chapter is a lot more important than it seems. maybe some of you are already smart and picked it up (feel free to guess) 
> 
> i was writing this chapter when listening to obvious, maybe you should google the lyrics, kinda important or don't you can do that too  
-
> 
> [blqckhill](https://twitter.com/blqckhill) on twitter (blackhill au is pinned)


	6. way too deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go listen to obvious on deh deluxe album, it'll definitely help with this chapter.  
-  
also, thank you for 1000 views!! that's wild, that that many people would actually want to read this :)  
-  
updates will be more spaced, because school started again

Payton's in too deep. 

_ Way too deep. _

River just posted a photo of him with the caption, 'obvious by taylor trensch on deh' and that's when Payton knew he was screwed. 

See, he started this as a way to gain political voters, he wasn't thinking about anyone else but himself. He wasn't thinking about Alice, or James or River. He chose what was best for him. Not for anyone else. 

The last time he did that, it went bad. 

The last time he did that, it was Alice. 

Contrary to popular belief, Payton only seeked out Alice because she was the 'right choice'. Everyone said he would be great for him, politically, but no one said it would be great for him emotionally. 

See, Payton thought he knew what love was. He thought he knew the definition of that four letter word that can make or break people. He thought that four letter word, was Alice. 

He didn't know he didn't, when he found out James was sleeping with her. And he didn't feel  _ anything. _

If anything, he felt guilty. Because that was when he found out,  _ he didn't love Alice. _ Not in the way he thought he did. 

If he didn't love Alice, who did he love? 

Did he love River? Was it obvious?

_ Sometimes the words we tend to withhold, but they're exactly the word someone needs to be told, but oh thinking that they know. We never say,  _

Payton should have seen it coming. It had been a year since he started Mandarin tutoring, it had been a year  _ since they kissed. _ And if River was on Payton's mind, certainly Payton was on River's mind. 

_ I love you.  _

Love is a really fucking scary word. It's a word that means to define your all your affection or feelings towards something. 

And so many people  _ crave _ to find it. 

_ So  _ many.

_ 'Cause why, go stating the obvious, it's so painfully obvious. How could you miss something that this plain to see? When it's glaring and staring right at you? So obviously. _

* * *

“McAfee, I  _ can’t do this anymore _ . I can't keep doing this to him. I can't keep lying to River." He exclaims. 

She doesn't say anything for a while. Study's him. 

She kicks her legs up to the table. "You're in too deep." 

"Yeah," he exhales. "Yeah." 

"Look Payton, I'm saying this to you as a friend, not your advisor." She pauses. "River  _ loves you _ ." 

"I know. I gotten myself way too deep." 

"Payton", she kicks her legs off the table and stands up, "you were already in too deep when we started." 

"So, I suggest you continue with this, because what difference is it going to make." She grabs her jacket, and heads for the door. 

"Payton." She turns around, "Do you, you know. Love him?" 

He pauses and thinks.  _ Does he? _

"I- I don't know." He looks down at his hands. "I don't know." 

"Ok." With that, she closes the door and heads out. 

Always on perfect timing, his mother walks in to see him stating endless at the door. 

"Hi, darling." She looks at him with concern. 

"Hi." He's still staring at the door. 

Sensing his state of mind, she pulls him into a hug and leaned her head on top of his. 

"I heard you and McAfee talking. So, River huh." 

"Hmm." He mumbled back. 

"You know, " She starts, "I loved someone. I was ready to run away with her." Her voice goes shaky. "I was ready to give it all up for her." 

He doesn't respond and leaves her to talk. 

"I  _ really, really loved her. _ But it took me too long to realise. And then she was gone." She pulls him back to look at him. 

"Payton, I don't want you getting hurt. Let yourself admit the truth, even if it hurts." She pauses. "Otherwise, you'll realise too late."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obvious is one of the _saddest songs_ i've listened to, it's just so uodhdiohoisah 
> 
> this chapter was one of my favourites to write, because it's payton realising, then denying, then deciding whether to admit it or not. 
> 
> oh i love georgina, she's an actual gem to write about. (ps, yes she is talking about brigette, i loved them together.) 
> 
> \- 
> 
> comments make me happy, i love talking with y'all 
> 
> \- 
> 
> [blqckhill](https://twitter.com/blqckhill) on twitter


	7. the prom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the politician soundtrack came out today, and i full on started crying when the first chords of river started. i am: weak. 
> 
> -
> 
> updates are slower because i have school (plus i'm trying to write 2813892 other fanfics at the same time)

> **The Saint** @TheSaint 
> 
> Saint Sebastian High are you ready for this year's prom?💃🏻🕺🏾 'Cause we certainly are! 🥳 This year's theme is: Happily Ever After ! That's right, come in your fanciest outfit and get ready to party!🎉Tickets open 24th October, so get your promposals ready. Who do you think will win Prom King and Queens? 👑👸🏻 #TheSaint #SaintSebastian #HappilyEverAfterSaintSeb2019 #SaintSebProm2019

"Ahh." He turns off his phone. "Prom's on this year." 

“Hmm.” River muffles through a bite of his burger. 

Raina arrives with Payton’s burger and chips. 

“I heard Prom. What’s the theme?” She asks. 

“Happily Ever After. Cheesy.” He replies. 

“Prom’s are always meant to be cheesy. Enjoy your meal.” 

River had asked him if he wanted to go. Payton wasn’t really one for Prom, socials and things like that. 

Prom always felt tacky to Payton, they were just an excuse for students to get excessively drunk and party all night, but dressed up. But something changed when River asked if he wanted to go. So he reluctantly agreed. 

He would probably regret it. 

* * *

“Payton, you _ have _ to do a promposal!” James suggested. 

“No.” He started waving his hands in protest. “I am _ not _ doing a promposal. They are tacky, cheesy and embarrassing.” 

“Payton,_ that’s the point _. Plus, it would get everyone’s attention.” 

“James. All the ideas you’ve suggested are a no from me. I am_ not doing _ a promposal. I’m not doing that to River.” He softly replies. 

“Why do you care that much?” He lowers his voice, “You’re meant to be fake dating him Payton.”

McAfee tries to interrupt, but he keeps going. 

“Feelings don’t matter.”

Payton doesn’t respond. Instead, he stares pointely at James, collects his books and walks out of the library. 

“James. You _ really can’t see it? _” McAfee whispers. 

“See_ what _?”

“Payton _ really, really cares about River. _ Like _ really cares. _” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah. He’s not going to do anything to undermine his relationship with him. Especially how after Alice and him ended.” She whispers back. 

“Alice and Payton were meant to last. They were matched, they were perfect. That’s why we put them together.” James starts. “What went so wrong?” 

“You can’t force love James.” She walks out of the library, leaving him alone. 

_ You can’t force love. _

James never understood why Payton was so defendant of River. From his view, Payton dating River was only for political gain. So much of Payton’s life was based around politics. Every move he made was calculated, sharp and planned. And that had worked. It had got them places. 

They were on track on the road to Payton’s presidency. 

Sure, there were a _ few _ bumps in the road, but whose road is ever straight?

But Payton (fake) dating River was certainly a huge bump. 

They had considered all the possible results out of coming out of this, but none of these ended up with Payton _ in love _. 

_ Hold up. _

_ Was Payton in love? _

McAfee had said it. Payton didn’t. 

James didn’t understand the weighting of saying _ I love you _. 

Maybe because he had never found it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me writing james without knowing if he get's a redemption arc 😬
> 
> \- 
> 
> also ft. me being a basic bitch of a fanfic writer writing about the prom (i'm from a place where we don't do prom, so i legit had to google about the prom) 
> 
> speaking of the prom, the broadway album/soundtrack is amazing (_whispers_ go listen to it, it's about two gays trying to go to the prom in a conserative place)
> 
> i'm trying to write an original work with o/c's and it's been very interesting to say the least. it's about two girls, london and ashton and they navigate aus. high school. (yes they are gay for each other). it's a basic ass storyline but still 
> 
> ok i'm done rambling, comments are appreciated and make me happy!


	8. happily ever after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was a b-i-c-t-h to write so it aint that good  
-  
ps: i am sorry in advance yell all me in the comments or something  
-  
also i just realised there's multiple pov switches im sorry if it's confusing

Happily Ever After. Usually used to describe a couple's love, none of that would be going on at Saint Sebastian's 2019 Prom. Payton stuck the moral high ground and didn't publicly prompose to River. The most James and McAfee could get them to do was post a couple selfie with the caption "we're going to prom!" 

Time had passed since James had made his realisation. That Payton  _ probably _ loved River. He still wasn't sure yet, hence the word  _ probably. _

Payton was losing. Badly. James had genuinely considered whether to switch to Astrid's side. 

Astrid Sloan knew what she was doing. She wasn't wrapped up in love like Payton, she had a clear goal and she knew how to get there. James respected that. 

Astrid did a promposal. Smart, considering there's a whole page dedicated to it. 

> **Promposals at Saint Seb** @promposalsaintseb  
Kicking off the 1st promposal of Saint Seb’s 2019 Prom is power couple, Maria Hill and Natasha Romanoff. While their promposal may not be the most flashiest, it clearly holds a lot towards the couple. We would post the photo, but out of respect to them, we won’t. Who’s next to prompose?  
  
**natasha** @natasha  
“We would post the photo, but out of respect to them, we won’t.” more like YOU invaded our personal space, then we threatened you. no biggie  
  
**c** @walsh  
Replying to @natasha  
terrifying. i love it  
  
**o** @hampton  
Replying to @walsh  
please stop she’s gay, you’re gay just stop  
  
**maria** @hillmaria  
Replying to @hampton  
yea control your boyfriend hampton  
  
**scott** @scotttlangg1  
@natasha @hampton @walsh  
How did you all get special usernames? You paying for someone or?  
  
**Hope** @HopeVanDyne  
Replying to @scotttlangg1  
yes.

It still ticked him that Payton didn't do one. Payton was more focused on his relationship with River than the actual campaign. 

But James pushed past that, and now he's at prom and he should probably be enjoying himself.

Except he's not. McAfee's probably somewhere with Skye, Payton's probably with River and James is alone. He could go find Alice, but they both haven't really talked since Payton found out. So he works. He brainstorms ideas on how to bring back Payton in the lead. 

He finds an idea. Prom King & Queen. The most coveted title of the night. If James got this right, it could away over voters. He grabbed the napkin he was working on, and pulled Payton from the dance floor to the storeroom. He starts to tell Payton his idea, on how to make them Prom King & Queen. It would involve a little bit of bribery. 

“James.” Payton whispers and looks around. “I am  _ not _ doing that. Ok?” 

“But-” Payton interjects.

“I am leaving River out of this mess. I started this for political gain, but it’s getting too complicated. James. Just stop.” He starts to leave the storeroom. 

“You’re in love with River aren’t you?” James calls out. Payton stops in his tracks. 

Shit.  _ Shit. Shit. Shit. _

McAfee had noticed, his mother had noticed and now James? How many people would it take for Payton to come to a realisation. 

_ Fuck. _ He loves River.  _ Fuck. _

“I-uh, yeah." Payton looks down at his hands. "Just don't tell anyone." 

James starts to leave. "Don't worry. Everyone already knew it before you." 

He passed down the hallway back into the hall. He didn't notice Astrid Sloan listening in on his way back. 

Astrid stands there for a while. Should she tell River? I mean, it's morally right to tell him. She still cares about him. She's made up her mind. And just in time, cause River's walking down the hallway, looking for Payton. He spots her and starts walking in the other direction. 

She calls out. “River.” He kept walking. 

“River. Don’t you dare walk away from me.” He walked faster.. Her heels clicked down the hallway, as she caught up to him. 

“River!” she screamed out. 

“What?  What’s _so important_ that I need to know? ” 

Thoughts swirled around her head. It's morally right to tell him Astrid, just do it. 

“Well?” he snapped impatiently. 

She took a breath of fresh air, mentally preparing on what she was going to say next. “Payton’s only dating you for political gain.” She pauses, seeing if River would talk. He doesn’t, so she keeps going. 

“I overheard James talking to Payton about ‘leaving you out of this mess.’ Payton said something like, ‘I started this for political gain, but it’s getting too complicated.’ Just thought you wanted to know.” She turns on her heels, and leaves River with the sound of her heels clicking down the hallway. 

“Also,” she turns around. “Payton’s in love with you.” She smiles sickly at him. 

“Have a nice night River.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry don't kill me  
-  
if you know who are c @walsh and o @hampton i stan you (there's only s1-4 on my netflix rip)  
if you know who are natasha, maria, scott and hope i stan you even more (blackhill + scotthope rights!)  
-  
next chapter will be even more fun (i somehow wrote ch9 than ch 8 dont judge my writing style)


	9. blank space

Payton’s decided he’s done with politics. Even though he spent his whole teenage life working up to it, he'd done with it. The whole sha-bang. Politics is a messy game that Payton got wrapped up in, and now he'd like to leave. But does anyone ever leave politics? 

His thoughts are broken when someone knocks on his bedroom door. He looks up from his phone. 

“Astrid Sloan.” He says, announcing every syllable. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

She walks in, and starts inspecting the books on the bookcase. “Save the pleasurities.” She pulls out one and holds it up. “Lincoln?” she asks. 

“Yes." he replied cautiously. He puts the phone down. "Why  _ are _ you here Astrid. I know it’s not to discuss presidential biographies.” 

She puts the book back on the shelf. Every move she makes in calculated. Every step she takes has a point. She has a plan, and she intends to follow it. See, Astrid didn’t come here to talk about presidential biographies, or to talk about the presidential race, no she came to talk about prom. And specifically what she heard down the hallway.

“No,” she laughs, “I didn’t come here to talk about presidential biographies. I came here to talk about yesterday’s prom.” 

“Ahh. Congratulations are in place for winning prom queen.” he replies unknowingly what is going to bestow upon him. 

She makes her way to the chair, where Payton and River first were. She rests her interlaced fingers on her lap, and tilts her head to look at him. Like a snake. “I know you’re dating River for political gain.”

He tries to interjects, “You have no proof of that!” but she continues on anyway. 

"You see,” see pulls up her hand to examine her nails, before looking dead straight at Payton. “I've already told River." 

His face turns white like a ghost. "You what?!" 

"I overheard you say it. To James Sullivan in the storeroom. So, I" she puts her hand to her heart mockingly, "A person who genuinely cares about River's feelings went to tell him straight away." 

She stands up from the chair, and walks away from him. "I only think he half believed it.” She pauses and stops walking. “But half believing is better than none." 

"So, either you tell River what I said was true, or I go leak it to The Saint. Either way," she turns on her heels to face him. "You lose." 

Payton looks at her in disbelief. "Why are you doing this Astrid? Why are you doing this to me?" He frantically asks.

"Love's a game Payton. Today" she cocks her head at him. She leans in and whispers, "You're playing it. You have till 7pm before I leak it. Time’s ticking Payton. You have 7 hours." 

The only comeback Payton can think of is calling Astrid a bitch. So he does.

"Hmm." she sighs. "Taylor Swift once wrote, 'darling i'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream.' Now, that lyric was from  _ Blank Space _ , and guess what happens in the video?" She walks towards the window and stares outside. 

His eyes follow her, but his lips don't move. 

"After her boyfriend is caught cheating on her, she launches a tirade to kill him. And she does. And guess what? The whole thing repeats. Payton," she walks closer to him. "I'm willing to pull a  _ Blank Space _ over and over again if it means I win." 

"Look what you made me do Payton," she says as she walks away. 

"Look what you made me do." she sighs.

Astrid leaves Payton’s house with a sense of pride. This is the first time she’s really caught Payton off guard and the look on his face when she told him, makes it even more worthwhile. 

Astrid Sloan  _ will _ do anything to get to the top. Even more than Payton Hobart. 

> **Astrid:** i did it. he literally turned into a ghost when i told him
> 
> **Skye:** good. we’re back on track. #astridforpresident 

“What’s that saying?” she asked herself out loud. “Oh right.” 

> **Astrid:** love makes you blind payton. choose wisely. 
> 
> _ Read by Payton at 12:03pm _

Payton’s pacing around his room. Again. He knows whatever option he chooses  _ will  _ be bad. Either, he tells River himself, or River can find out through a gossip page. He frantically calls over McAfee and James for an urgent team meeting. They aren’t too happy, especially on the day after the formal, where it’s clear they both had a little too much to drink. 

“Ok, what’s so bad that you had too pull me out of bed when I’m hungover?” McAfee asks while downing a panadol with a cup of water. 

“Astrid knows I’m dating River for political gain.” McAfee shoots straight up. “What?” 

Payton explains to them about Astrid coming over, and her giving her the deal. “That bitch.” was all McAfee could mutter out in the state of hungover-ness. 

“Yeah. What do I do?” 

“Look,” she replies while rubbing the temples of her head, “Just tell him. If I was River, I would rather him know from you than from a gossip page.” 

“Yeah. Tell him it’s true what Astrid said.” 

“Ok. You can leave now.” 

Payton spends the rest of the day sitting in the chair. Trying to cherish the last moments he had with River. 

At 7pm he texts Astrid. 

> **Payton:** I’m telling River myself. Don’t leak it to The Saint, or there WILL be a defamation lawsuit filed against you. 
> 
> **Astrid:** i’m not looking for a lawsuit. just caring for river’s feelings. 

He shuts off the phone and throws it on the bed. He really should be spending his last hours with River. Whom he  _ loves. _

Payton was  _ so _ confused when talking about love. Because, the world defines love as a four letter word that's meant to sum up your feelings towards someone or something. But, society uses love in such a careless way, like  _ Oh I love burgers _ , but that's your platonic feelings and gratefulness towards burgers (Or maybe you have a deep romantic connection with burgers, I don't know.) So all the times he's ignored his heart beating a little faster, or his breath caught by River every time he's near was  _ love _ to Payton. He just ignored it. But by the time he realised, was a little too late. 

Just a little too late. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly considered writing payton suing astrid for defamation but i don't know enough legal to actually write about it (can you see my commerce freak jump out)
> 
> uh good luck for the next chapter i guess...you might d word i guess idk 
> 
> ps. would not be a romanoffhill fanfic if ONE chapter was not taylor swift related stream lover xoxo


	10. the chairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe you should bring tissues.... maybe

No amount of presidential biographies can ever prepare Payton for this. Obama? Has nothing on him. Trump? Like Payton would have the Idiot's guide to Clowning on his bookshelf. 

Maybe Payton shouldn't even tell. Maybe River and him could base a long lasting relationship on a lie.

They could grow up, live in the White House with three kids and two dogs. Become the public's 'OTP'. 

No. He should tell. But a part of really doesn't want too. He's willingly destroying his relationship by choice. He doesn't even have to tell. 

**Payton:** can you come over? it's important. 

_ Delivered 8:08pm _

He knows that he shouldn't expect River to check his phone every second, but he's nervous. Who can blame him, how are you meant to tell the person who makes you happy that you only love them for political gain? How are you meant to sit there, and let the person you love leave with good reason? With great reason. 

His phone goes off, and he hurries to pick it up. 

**James:** you ready? 

_ Read by Payton at 8:09pm _

He quickly thinks of a bullshit response and texts it back. 

**Payton** : yeah. sure 

James texts back some bullshit that he can't be bothered to read so he doesn't. He spends the next 5 minutes pacing around his house, walking up and down the stairs, walking in rooms he usually wouldn't go, just to distract himself. It doesn't work. 

**River:** already here

_ Read by Payton at 8:14pm _

“Payton?” His mother calls. “Someone here’s for you.”  _ Fuck. _ He’s not ready. Fuck. Maybe one day he'll find this type of love again. If you love someone, you sometimes have to let them go. Payton's letting River go. 

They're sitting in the chairs where they first met. Marks the spot where they'll fall apart. They started it into those chairs, and they'll finish it there. 

"River? Fuck." He runs his hands through his hair. River looks at him in confusion. 

"I'm sorry. Astrid was right." Payton can see the moment he realises. It breaks his heart to lie to the person he loves. And he doesn't even know it. 

His voice breaks. "I only dated you for political gain." He can feel the tears crawling down his cheeks, but he doesn't care. Nothing matters anymore. 

"Fuck. I- I was so politically invested in my own life, I didn't think about how it could affect yours." 

"You know the worst thing River? I wasn't even going to tell you." 

"I was so  _ happy _ for once in my life, I didn't want to give it away. But that's gone now. Fuck."

"So go on, dump me, slap me, post it on social media, I don't care.  _ Because I deserve it. _ I called Astrid a bitch" he says through tears. 

" _ I'm the bitch, _ not Astrid." He puts his face in his hands. "Fuck." 

River hasn't said anything up till this point. He's sitting there, quietly processing everything. He could dump Payton, slap him, rat him out to all of Saint Sebastian and really damage is reputation, but instead he does this: 

"I love you." 

"I know, you hate me- Wait what?" 

Payton's brain is seconds away from frying. 

He slowly rises from his hands and looks at him through the tears. "I'm sorry, could you say that again." 

He looks dead set into Payton's eyes. 

" _ I love you. _ " 

No. River absolutely cannot love Payton right now. He just admitted to dating River for political gain, and now he has the guts to say three words Payton has been longing to hear. 

"No, you  _ can't _ love me River. I just admitted to dating you for political gain, what is there to love about me? I'm a sociopathic bitch, who only cares for himself. How,  _ how _ ,  _ could you love me? _ " 

"You know what you want Payton. You set out to achieve it. Not many people would even  _ consider _ dating for political reasons. But you did." He takes a pause. "The first time I met you, you had a bookcase filled with presidential biographies. You  _ knew _ what you wanted to be. You're ambition rules everything." 

"No," Payton interrupts, "you  _ can't _ love me. Did you ignore the fact that-" 

"Payton. I've known since the beginning." He looks at River inquisitively. "Since the movies. I saw you texting James. But I didn't want to tell you, because I think we we're, for the first time,  _ genuinely happy _ . I didn't want to end that." 

He closes his eyes, trying to stop the tears. He holds River's hand and takes a deep breath in. 

"Sometimes I think you're too good for this world. Because, many people would've slapped the damn phone out of my hands and yelled at me. But you didn't. Why?" 

"I knew then. That I loved you." 

"Fuck." He laughs. "It's been ages."

"You know, Astrid said something else." He softly says.

"Yeah?" 

"She said you loved me. Is that true?" 

This time, he doesn't need to think of an answer. He knows. 

"Yes.  _ I love you River Barkley. I love you." _

Maybe he doesn't have to let River go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...not what you were expecting huh? look, i feel like a lot of you expected angst, and for river to break up with payton but hey i decided not too. didn't want to be predictable. 
> 
> that saying, I did start writing an angst version, which i'll post later somewhere. 
> 
> i was drew to this ending, because you can see that they both care and don't want to sacrifice each other even if it's wrong. 
> 
> maybe you hate this version or love it, i want your opinion in the comments. 
> 
> also this isn't my best, because it kept second guessing so it's not as good i would like but here we are.


	11. lover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- i don't know when US graduation actually happens, so in this timeline it's in the middle of december.

He leans his head in and whispers, “Can we leave the Christmas lights up till January?” He doesn’t want to be loud, considering he is sitting in a graduation gown and cap, along with his classmates. 

River momentarily waits, politely claps at the speaker before answering. “Yeah.” He pauses. “It is your place.” 

“Ok.” Payton is helplessly in love. And he’s ok with that. If you told freshman Payton that he would be ending up with a Barkley, not a Charles, freshman Payton would have gave you a death stare. But that’s life. You never know what to come from it. 

When Payton was in freshman year, the teachers had gotten them to write notes to their graduating self. He doesn’t remember what he wrote. Probably something about whether he’s on his way to achieving his goals yet. Something like that. 

He feels someone nudging him. “Payton Hobart, for a high distinction in the History of Modern Sexuality.”

Suddenly, he’s being pushed out of his chair and somehow makes it onto the stage. He shakes the hand, and for a brief moment he saw it all. Saw, what his future could have been. He could of been valedictorian, he could have been speaking on that stage. That brief moment is over when he sees his future. It’s being happy, it’s being free, it’s River. He never got the whole ‘this person is my _ whole life _’ thing, but now he gets it. He fucking gets it. 

River’s like a dazzling haze, a mysterious gaze to Payton. He breaks people down for a living, knowing what can tick them off, but River’s different. In the year he’s been with him, he hasn’t been able to know what makes River, well, River. It still doesn’t feel real, being with River. Whether it’s been 20 seconds, or 20 years, Payton knows he will _ always love River. _ Always. 

The rest of graduation flies by. He shakes hands, takes photos, gets told multiple times by multiple people that they’re extremely proud, but he doesn’t care. He’s happy and that’s all that matters. 

He’s heading before he feels someone tap his shoulder. It’s his old history teacher and he hands him a letter. He wishes him good luck before finding other students. 

_ To Payton: _

_ So. You’re going to be old. Hopefully you are still on track to becoming president. Right now, you should be graduating and making your way to Harvard with Alice. Then, you graduate, marry your highschool sweetheart than become the president. Simple. Uh. Deeper stuff now. Have you, you figured out that the fact you’re bi? Or maybe I’m just delusional. I don't know, are you happy? Hope your happy. _

_ -Payton _

It’s weird. Reading a letter from your younger self. He’s glad he didn’t ask himself what his favourite colour was, or what his favourite movie was. (It was Legally Blonde at the time.) But, if he’s answering the question he was asked, he is happy. Truly happy for the first time in forever. He thought he needed to get into Harvard, needed to marry his high school sweetheart and become president to be happy. Because then he would get the validation from everyone. 

He circled his whole life on being praised, because he thought he could be happy. Younger Payton’s mind thought that validation = happiness. But, when he stopped seeking validation from everyone, he started becoming happy. That was one of the biggest things that Payton got from River. 

River never seeked validation from everyone. He was one of the most popular people in the year, yet he never wanted the popularity. 

_ “You know, I never wanted all this.” _

_ “All this?” _

_ “Popularity. I just want to live my life without being watched. Every move I make has to feel validated by everyone.” _

He never really got why he said it. But he finally gets it. 

* * *

They end up back at the diner_ . _ The diner where they had their first official date. Raina practically spots them from a mile away, and somehow has already ordered for them. River slips a 100 to her when she brings over the food. 

“We’ve come a long way.” He leans back into the booth. “The first time we were here we found out your ex was sleeping with your friend.” 

“Hmm.” Payton sighed. “Now, we’ve graduated and moving to New York.” 

“Life’s funny, I never thought I would end up with you.”

“How?” 

“Well,” he sighed. “I thought you were going to ignore me for the rest of high school. Which broke me by the way.” 

“Knowing that I really wanted you after one stupid kiss, and acknowledging that I could possibly never have you, really hit me hard.” He continues eating his burger, but Payton’s not. 

The fact that River is still standing by his side after all the shit that Payton has done makes him wonder. River, _ loves him. _ Like really loves. It takes someone special to stick by Payton, and it’s River. 

“I love you. You know that right?” 

He smiles. “Yeah.” 

"I'll love you forever. You know what right?"

"Yeah. I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew, we've made it to the end of this wild journey.
> 
> to everyone who commented, bless your souls, you're the ones who really motivated me to write and probably made me finish faster than i would of. 
> 
> i will probably do a university river/payton fic, but in a while. i've been sitting on some wips for other ships. 
> 
> leave me some river/payton prompts, i want to write more of these crazy children.
> 
> im probably forgetting something, but whatever. see y'all on the other side (of the door) 
> 
> ps. lover started playing as im writing this... coindence? i think NOT
> 
> pps. also the politican s2 started filming and i am not ok 
> 
> ppps. i watched legally blonde the musical for the 1st time last week and it slaps oh my god i have literally watched it every day
> 
> pppps. self confidence is a bitch and now i'm starting to re-write little sections so just ignore me
> 
> \- 
> 
> **[HILLSWIDOWS](https://twitter.com/HILLSWIDOWS) **on twitter

**Author's Note:**

> edit: 26/4/20: hello. how we all doing in these wild and crazy times, hope y'all are safe and sound. i've come to inform you that i am currently writing a sequel to this, because a. i absolutely can not let this fandom die, b. there has to be more fics i swear i've read every single one and c. i miss my sociopathic and too good for this world couple. 
> 
> i won't give too much away, but all i'll say is that your past will always come back and haunt you. no matter how many non disclosure agreements you sign.
> 
> expect something to be posted by the end of next week! (maybe tomorrow or the day after if i'm feeling brave)
> 
> drop what you want to see happen in the sequel and i'll do my best to include it 
> 
> and yes, i do see y'all kudosing and commenting and it makes my heart happy!!
> 
> valkyriewidows on twitter.


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